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Sarah Gooding Jessica – Thank you for bringing up this question. I puzzled over this for a long time. But I think this scenario was a bit different in that I wasn’t flirting, had no interest, repeatedly told him no and that I am married. There were other sexually explicit things he said that I didn’t mention in the post but you get the idea. I was silent at the end, didn’t reprimand him or anything. I was just stunned. Given that he apologized and told me that he knew he crossed the line, I think we both agreed that it was offensive and unprofessional and there was no doubt that we were on the same page about it. In the end I believe everyone deserves a second chance and a clean slate. It’s not an issue of men vs women by any means but rather a human issue of treating each other with respect. I’m not an expert, so I’m not qualified to define harassment, but this seemed to fit all the definitions I’d read before. I think in events surrounding a professional conference, it’s better to speak to fellow professionals in a way that makes them feel welcome, not pressuring them by saying things like, “You know you want X” or “I know you want X”. That’s just the basics of respect. If someone approached you in a serious, non-humorous way like that about buying their software and repeatedly pressured you after you declined numerous times, you’d be like, “dang, go away!” But when it’s sexually explicit it’s that much worse. Depending on the incident, I wouldn’t be quick to want anyone kicked out for it – everyone makes mistakes and most of the time we can work things out. It’s just not easy to feel confident about speaking in front a bunch of people after someone does that to you. I’m not advocating for special treatment for women. This is a human issue, not a gender issue. I’m just hoping WC organizers can get some training or guidelines to know what to do in case someone reports something. It’s not a widespread issue but it’s good to be prepared for if/when something happens.
Sarah Gooding
Jessica – Thank you for bringing up this question. I puzzled over this for a long time. But I think this scenario was a bit different in that I wasn’t flirting, had no interest, repeatedly told him no and that I am married. There were other sexually explicit things he said that I didn’t mention in the post but you get the idea. I was silent at the end, didn’t reprimand him or anything. I was just stunned. Given that he apologized and told me that he knew he crossed the line, I think we both agreed that it was offensive and unprofessional and there was no doubt that we were on the same page about it. In the end I believe everyone deserves a second chance and a clean slate. It’s not an issue of men vs women by any means but rather a human issue of treating each other with respect. I’m not an expert, so I’m not qualified to define harassment, but this seemed to fit all the definitions I’d read before.
I think in events surrounding a professional conference, it’s better to speak to fellow professionals in a way that makes them feel welcome, not pressuring them by saying things like, “You know you want X” or “I know you want X”. That’s just the basics of respect. If someone approached you in a serious, non-humorous way like that about buying their software and repeatedly pressured you after you declined numerous times, you’d be like, “dang, go away!” But when it’s sexually explicit it’s that much worse. Depending on the incident, I wouldn’t be quick to want anyone kicked out for it – everyone makes mistakes and most of the time we can work things out. It’s just not easy to feel confident about speaking in front a bunch of people after someone does that to you. I’m not advocating for special treatment for women. This is a human issue, not a gender issue. I’m just hoping WC organizers can get some training or guidelines to know what to do in case someone reports something. It’s not a widespread issue but it’s good to be prepared for if/when something happens.
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