I was certain the conspiracy theorists—who seem to believe that Automattic’s sole mission is to make their lives more miserable—were wrong.

Stopped reading here. This tactic of dismissing critics with an ad hominem is well-known and calls into question the motivations of the poster. Very few people believe that "Automattic’s sole mission is to make their lives more miserable" and anyone who views criticism of the Gutenberg project through that lens loses any claim to being balanced.