Family and Quality Of Life have always been "first" for us ... but what that has looked like has been very different over time. As Brian says, it does require conscious decisions and discipline.

Lets Start With Vacations:

Most people only see today and how much vacation we take today -- which is A LOT. But they don't see the years of struggle because they didn't know me then. They want to achieve the same thing right now... and that's just not always how it works.

When I first started Bourn Creative there were no vacations. I worked 16-18 hours days every day of the week. I was young, has a mortgage, a husband, and two babies -- and I rarely spent time with them, I just worked near them or watched them play from my desk.

I was doing it FOR family. Putting the good of the family's future first. BOTH Brian and I are totally on board with the idea of the short-term sacrifice, long-term gain -- but that's the difference, we were both on board.

At first it was just a big deal to NOT work one weekend day. Then I slowly (over a long time) took both weekend days off. Then we moved to 3-day weekends, then 4-day weekends. Our first 5 day vacation was life-changing. It took years to get to just one week, and each year since we have added a bit more.

We hit the 10 year mark in July and what you all see now is the payoff of all of the years of hard work that came before. It's easy to say family first and only think of the fun and good and the time off. But family first means a lot of different things.

Family First Has Different Meanings:

For some people "family first" does mean sacrifice. It does mean working long hours and weekends to make ends meet and provided a great life... they key is ensuring it leads to a long-term gain for the whole family, and being open and honest about the struggles the whole way.

For some "family first" means putting everyone else in your family before yourself (which is a whole different can of worms), but that can only be sustained for so long before everything becomes a mess.

For some "family first" means doing without so you can spend time together. For others it means no screen time when with family. For others it does mean screen time because family isn't always together.

What we need to remember is that there should be no judgement on what that means to anyone else. The only thing that matters is what works best for you and your family. Others can judge, give you advice, and tell you what you should do all they want, but you need to find out what works best for you and stick to it.

Those Pesky Screens:

Smartphones and the rise of digital social media has made people worse at real life (again another can of worms). When you are at dinner and the person (or people) you are with take out their phone to check Twitter or Facebook, or text someone else, it says, "I don't value or respect my time with you." It says, "I'm not present and engaged with you." It says, "I'd rather be elsewhere than with you." It says, "I'm waiting for something better to comes along."

Even if that's not your intent, that's the message it sends.

When did people become unable to actually spend time together and talk -- be it at a meal, in the car, at home, before bed, while on vacation, etc. -- without checking Twitter or Facebook or something else on our devices?

We're guilty of it too. Checking social in the car, before bed, at the beach... So we had to agree as a family to put boundaries on our time.

We either leave our phones at home on family hikes and adventures or we bring them but have a rule to only use the camera. We leave the phone inside when we're outside in the backyard swimming and playing. We don't check our phones at dinner or on dates. We even go on vacation at least once a year to a place with zero mobile signal for real detachment.

It gives us the opportunity to be fully present, show up full out, and really show the people we care about that we do care about them.

Trust me. All the Twitter crap, drama, and convo will be there when you get back. It's like a soap opera. You could not watch for days, weeks, or months, and then pick it back up again as if you never took a break.

Life Is a Teeter-Totter:

We approach life as if it is a teeter-totter with family on one end and work on the other end."

A teeter-totter that is perfect balanced all the time is NO FUN! It's boring. But the teeter-totter than moves up and down, back and forth, giving each person time at the top is fun.

We don't ever aim for a balanced teeter-totter not just because it's not fun, but because it's a lot of work and pressure to try to keep it balanced. And it is just not realistic. The minute you let go of one end, it goes back to being unbalanced.

We work to keep the teeter-totter moving, and to never have the bulk of the weight on one end for too long. Sometimes work will come first and will be the priority. Sometimes family will come first and it will be the priority. Sometimes it will even out a bit ... that is a realistic approach to work/life balance ... one that is doable. It is also one that you can have a discussion around and set some expectations with.

Communication Is Key:

For example, when we're deep in a big project, have a large looming deadline, or are swamped with work, we talk about it as a family. Now that we have kids, they are included in the discussion. We let them know that life is going to be tough the next X days/weeks because of X. We let them know we'll be working long hours or on the weekend if need be. And then we introduce a benefit.

For example, when we redesigned our brand/site in 30 days, we told the kids, we're basically out on life for the next month. We're going to be working like crazy 24/7 to get this done and it is going to take up all of our time. But at the end we're going to take a family trip to Disneyland as the reward. We asked for their help and support to keep the house clean, get along, and help each other too.

Even early on in business when we couldn't afford weekend trips and vacations as rewards, we did day trips or even half day trips. I'd sit down with Brian, line out my workload, communicate what I needed to get it done, and then we'd plan something fun to do together afterward away from the house.

And I'd be lying if I said it was all sunshine and rainbows. We fought a lot about my putting work first over everything else those early years. And the kids didn't always understand. Before Brian began working with me, it was harder for him to understand. But eventually we worked at it and found what works best for us.

It's NEVER Easy. It does require conscious decisions and discipline, and constant effort ... to communicate, to allow for the ebb and flow of work.life priorities, to put away the screens and social media, and to be fully present when you're with those you care about.

I LOVE that you wrote about this.

Just remember, that WordPress, all of us, the community, and everything else that comes along with work will be there tomorrow, and the next day, and the day after. There will never NOT be more work -- and it is totally ok to step away for a bit and nurture your other relationships. We'll be here when you get back!